I think im going to throw up on grandma
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
