You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
