her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The feeling are messing with the penis
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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