I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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