so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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