please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
