i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
