They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
