i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Never underestimate the power of titties
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
