wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
