why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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