dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
