nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
