4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
