So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
