My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
