help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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