I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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