Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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