I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
