I'm pants shitting drunk right now
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
