so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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