I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
