Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Randomize
