I love black thongs
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Randomize
