never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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