I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
