We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
