Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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