I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
