i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
