I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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