I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
