So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
