It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
