Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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