As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
