am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
