I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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