My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
