He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
