did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
