True but thats because hes a fetus.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
