Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
