I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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