You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I would fuck him just for his dog
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
