i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she told me i tasted like america
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
