I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
