the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
