I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
